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12. Sun Down: The Restlessness of Black Grief

I'm not sure when I realized I was sad. Or if I ever did. I don't know if I ever had a chance to realize or if everything around me made me fall into a knowing. 

A knowing that being black is a bunch of different ideas at once. It's a bunch of things to know. To learn. To forget. To figure out. To explore. To remember. To unlearn. To pass down. It is, in so many ways-the loudest thing you'll ever do. 

It is in so many ways the most tiring, stressful, monumental, audacious thing I've done today. Why do I at times want to rest without it though?

I came upon an article that really resonated with me “"The Relentlessness of Black Grief". In this article, Marissa Evans explores the unique, intersectional experience of black grief and how it is often overlooked, misunderstood and oftentimes mocked. She highlights how black grief is when said aloud sounds heavy and muddled with woe and while at times it is, it is also the coming of age story of folk who have a long history of absolute resilience. Evans argues that black grief is often dismissed because it does not fit into the traditional narrative of grief. “American grief” is a Robert Frost poem and while I am a huge Robert Frost fan, deciding which road to take is uninteresting to folk who never had a choice either way.

There were only dirt roads and there was no way out. Our history is full of no way outs. A gorgeous part of the article was when she writes: "There is no neat beginning, middle, and end to black grief. It is a constant, a low-grade hum that ebbs and flows with the tides of our lives" (Evans, 2020). This part made me pause for a number of reasons. Mainly because black grief is not a monolith just as black folk and black experience isn’t. It is a dynamic, ever evolving, colorful and unmanaged series of moments. Our experiences, emotions, understandings, perspectives are not extremities. We are not highs and lows. We are humans. We deserve the respect of subtleness. Of hums. Of moments. Of reflection and stillness. Caitlin Forbes' article "Blog: How Do We Address Black Grief, Compounded by Centuries of Racism, Loss, and Trauma?" is a powerful exploration of the unique experience of black grief. Forbes draws on her own experience as a black woman and the experiences of other black folk to illustrate the ways in which racism and loss have compounded the grief experienced by black folk. Forbes argues that the grief experienced by black folk is often ignored or dismissed mainly because it’s not a separate event. Grief, loss, trauma and heaviness have all become simultaneous with blackness. So, for society- there is no way to genuinely understand, explore and engage black grief because you have to first recognize that it is a lived experience and not a genetic disposition.

References:

Evans, M. (2020, September 28). The relentlessness of black grief. The Atlantic. Retrieved November 14, 2022, from https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/09/relentlessness-black-grief/616511/

News. Blog: How Do We Address Black Grief, Compounded by Centuries of Racism, Loss and Trauma? | Baby 1st Network. (n.d.). Retrieved November 14, 2022, from https://www.baby1stnetwork.org...