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"i hope you find the sweetest part of this life & squeeze the lemon from it."

Allantra Lewis

a note from me. 

i was taught early on how to hide. Maybe, it was my God fearing mother. She was soft and warm, but only drank wine coolers and stopped smoking cigarettes by the time I was 8. She talked about God from a place of admiration and partnership. God seemed to be her soulmate. She never learned to drive, but she would take me to Broadway musicals.  She knew that i loved words and she knew that one day, I'd find them. She isn't here any longer. Not in the way that lets me reach my arms around her soft shoulders. i don't know if i ever have learned to not need her. 

so, when you ask me about trauma, grief or loss-

if i'm not writing to you in 1st person, 

I'm probably searching for the closest thing to fall into.